Who’s Calling the Shots?: How Your Nervous System Shapes Every Decision You Make
Have You Ever Said Yes When You Meant No…?
Or snapped at someone and immediately regretted it? Maybe you ghosted a commitment or avoided a conversation. Maybe you shut down instead of showing up. These aren’t just behavioral patterns—they’re nervous system patterns.
We like to think we make decisions based purely on logic. But there’s more at play.
Our nervous system has three states:
Sympathetic
Dorsal
Ventral
[Sometimes it can respond from the cusp of two states, like Ventral + Sympathetic.]
Every choice we make is shaped by which state our nervous system is in at that moment. Without pausing to ask which state is calling the shots, its patterns keep you stuck in loops of discomfort and dysregulation.
Why the Pause Matters: Your Brain’s Safety Sequence
Before you even think, your body decides if you’re safe. Neuroception happens when your nervous system scans your environment for signs of safety or threat. It’s subconscious, and it only takes a fifth of a second. If it senses anything dysregulating: someone’s tone, a text that stings, a demand, a memory, your own internal pressure, your nervous system sends your bodymind a message: protect.
That message doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s shaped by your early blueprint. The emotional “soup” you grew up in has lots of ingredients, like:
Met or Unmet Needs
Attachment Patterns
Your Beliefs About Yourself and the World
When your nervous system registers danger, the amygdala (your alarm system) is the first responder. It can override the prefrontal cortex (your reflective, rational brain), which doesn’t fully engage for about half a second. So unless you pause to reflect on your reaction/response, fear-based reflexes could end up driving far more decisions than necessary.
Here’s the good news: taking that moment to pause is like flexing a muscle. The more you do it, the more empowered you are to live from a regulated, grounded place.
Want to know which nervous system state tends to run your show?
Take the quiz,“What State Is Calling the Shots?” to find out,
Decisions Made in Sympathetic: When Your Yes Means No
When your nervous system is in a sympathetic state, your body is revved up. You’re in fight-or-flight mode. You feel rushed, pressured, edgy, maybe even righteous. You act fast because it feels like you have to. But you’re reacting, not responding.
Decisions Made in Dorsal: When You Disappear
The dorsal state is the opposite of the sympathetic state. When it’s in charge, we shut down, collapse, and withdraw. In this state, everything feels like too much. You may feel foggy, numb, or disconnected from yourself. It’s hard to say what you need or want. In fact, you’re not sure you’re allowed to want anything.
Decisions Made in Ventral: From Clarity and Connection
The ventral state is your zone of regulation, connection, and presence. Here, you can connect with, and act from your full self. It no longer feels like your body, your thoughts, your values have been taken over by impulse and instability. You can consider not just what feels urgent, but what is true.
What About the In-Between? (The Cusp of Ventral + Sympathetic)
Not all sympathetic activation is “bad.” A little stress can be motivating—think excitement before a big talk or nerves before a brave conversation. The key is learning to differentiate activation from dysregulation.
When you’re on the cusp between ventral and sympathetic, it might feel like alert energy, healthy anticipation, or focused drive. When your “yes” feels pressured (rather than authentic), or your “no” feels more fearful than clear, the scales have tipped too far into dysregulation.
This emotional “balancing act” is one of many that need regular attention and care. Knowing your body and all its delicate, intertwined systems is essential. The greater your self-awareness, the quicker you recognize imbalances, re-regulate, and respond in a way that feels like you.
How to Shift the Pattern: Ask Before You Act
Try this the next time you feel the urge to react fast, shut down, or overcommit:
Pause.
Ask: What state is my nervous system in right now?
Then ask: Is this the state I want driving this decision?
Sometimes that micro-check-in is enough to change everything.
Not sure who’s calling the shots? Wait. You’re allowed to buy yourself time to let your body catch up with your values.
A Final Word: Self-Leadership Starts with the Pause
No one needs to be perfectly regulated to live in alignment. You just need a moment of awareness between your trigger and your response. With each pause, you can shift your power from your past to your present. From your patterns to your purpose.
So next time you feel pulled to react, to disappear, to say yes when you mean no…
Ask yourself: What state is calling the shots?
When it feels like your nervous system is playing tug-of-war for control, some extra guidance can quickly reduce overwhelm and get your back into equilibrium. Complete this form to book a free discovery call. Rediscover what it feels like to regain agency and take your power back.
